Days Like Today

Tonight I did something I have never done before.

I went out to dinner with both my kids, alone.

No friends, no husband, no visitors, just us; Mommy, Misa Misa and Queen B.

You might think that this is strange or no big deal to you, but for me it kind of was.

I have been stuck in this rut of stress and anxiety over being the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker, the perfect _________. You can fill in anything you want there and I was striving for it.

Then, the kids and I came down with strep throat and everything came screeching to a halt.

I was sick so I had no energy to take care of myself, let alone two sick kids and the housework. So things that never happen in my house started to occur.

The dishes started piling up, the kids toys weren't put away, the garbage was overflowing, the mail was stacked high and unopened, dinner wasn't made, the laundry was piling up (well that happens all the time, but whatever)and the errands weren't getting accomplished.

Screech!!!!

This week was meant to be spent digging myself out of the pile that the house became. However, there was a change in the weather here in blazing hot NC. It became nice out, manageable, cool even, with a slight breeze in the air. The evenings became comfortable and enjoyable.

For those of you who don't know, NC during the summer is the equivalent to living on the sun. It is so hot and humid you can't even go outside without sweating yourself to death.

With small children this leaves you no other option than to jump from one air-conditioned place to another, never really having a chance to enjoy the outdoors because they are either dehydrated, sunburned, or overcome with heat rash.

So being cooped up in the house for over a week with strep made the kids and I feel like our lives were being taken over by cabin fever.

Monday morning came and I looked at their sad, pale, little faces and thought, "Okay! We HAVE to get out of this house. It is too beautiful to pass up!" So we packed up lunch and headed to the park.

I have to admit, I felt a pang of guilt as I closed the door behind me and left the mess there to fester and grow. I felt that same pang of guilt when we got home from the park, but Misa Misa wanted to play outside for awhile before nap time.

So I just ignored the guilt, and you know what, ignoring it and really taking the time to focus and enjoy the kids actual made me feel more relaxed. It is almost like I had a shift in thoughts, maybe you could even call it a shift in priorities in my mind.

I find myself on a daily basis confused as to why I feel like I don't enjoy my kids as much as I should be. I realized today that it is because I put the priority on keeping everything constantly in order and "perfect" that at the end of the day I simply don't have the time or energy to just sit and play with my kids.

How sad is that?

I realize now, that when I see my husband bound through the door when he comes home from work, so happy to see and play with the kids,and I feel a pang of jealously, it is because I feel as though I constantly have to be the "care taking" parent while he gets to be the "fun parent".

The care taking parent?

Stay-at-home moms and dads, you all know what I am talking about. We are the parent that does the daily tasks to make sure the children are kept alive until our husbands or wives come home from work. We enforce the daily schedules and rules. We give time-outs and make them pick up their toys. We aren't always fun to be around because we have more things that need to be done than just playing and having fun.

I find, for me at least, it is a hard transition to fluctuate back and forth from "care taking" parent and "fun parent".

Now don't get me wrong, I sound as if I am painting myself out to be some horrible troll of a mother, who never allows any fun to be had. I just have found that on a daily basis, I get flustered and stressed when I see the daily housework pile up. This then leads to the whole mind tackle of "I'll take them to the park once the dishes are finished...well, now that I am on a role, I really should be folding the laundry..."

So alas, today I packed up the kids and closed the door behind me pretending I didn't just trip over a huge pile of junk in the middle of the hallway and ignoring the fact that I haven't emptied the dishwasher in a couple of days, and drove out to the mall to have a nice dinner with the kids, just the three of us.

On the way there, I did cave and try to convince my friend to come and meet us, but once she said she couldn't I still managed to get us there to enjoy our time together.

I find myself being WAY to dependent on my friends at times. I mean let's be honest, when you are a stay-at-home mom or dad, there isn't much conversation to be had. It is a very isolating and lonely existence at times. I find myself constantly making sure I have someone to hang out with or go on outings with and dreading the days that it is just me and the kids ALL DAY. (You must think I am horrible and wonder why I even had kids...)So to find myself out to dinner, alone, with the kids was an unusual event.

I decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory today because the NC Food Bank was promoting a canned food drive, plus 10% of your bill would be donated to the NC Food Bank. I managed to remember a stack of cans before we left the house and waltzed into the Cheesecake Factory with my beast of a stroller.

We were seated, we ordered and the conversation began to roll. It took me a moment to realize how relaxed I felt and how much I was laughing and enjoying just hanging out with my two beautiful children.

We ate, chatted, laughed and then took a stroll around the mall before we packed up and headed home.

Once we were home the fun continued. It was late, but we managed to get ready for bed without any tears and decided to have story time and play for a while in my son's room. I was reading a book, Misa Misa was playing trains and Queen B was batting at a foam football.

The football would teeter back a forth and once it was just out of her reach, she scooted herself to get it! This was the first time she had ever moved!

I stopped reading and just stared, taken back by what had just happened. I got this happy/sad feeling inside and started to tear up. I was literally watching her grow right in front of me and if I was shuffling around tidying up the room like I usually do instead of sit and play, I would have missed it.

I don't want to miss it.

I don't want to look back and have any regrets.

I want to be there, in the moment, for my children while they are still young and like me!

I want to enjoy them as much as I should.

They are only this young once.

I want to have more days like today.