Oh No He Didn't!

Oh Yes He Did.

I remember being younger and my parents would say or do something that would just make me and my sister want to die of embarrassment. Yes, Mom and Dad, you did and you know it.

Now that I am a parent I look forward to the times that I will embarrass my children, both accidentally and on purpose.

On some level it is already possible. When we are driving in the car and I sing loudly, off key perfectly on key and dance around to the beat of the music. I can hear my son's faint little voice from the backseat, "Stop it Mama, I no like that." All while watching, proudly, as his little face turns a brighter shade of pink.

Ahhhhh...Good times.

Well never in my mind did I consider the possibility that my child would embarrass me anytime soon. I mean, maybe when I am older and I find out through Facebook that he went streaking after drinking a little too much of the Koolaid they were serving on campus.

Wait, no, that still wouldn't embarrass me.

You know, I try to learn something new everyday and recently I have learned that my son can and will embarrass me.

I am pretty hard to embarrass, but sure enough, my spawn has picked up on the way to throughly embarrass his mother in public.

It first happened when the kids and I were at the mall. I don't wear my wedding ring on a regular basis because it is so bling-tastic that I am afraid of being robbed my fingers are still too fat to wear it without losing the finger to loss of blood flow. We were browsing the magazine section of a bookstore and my son leans over to the man next to us and stares at him, then looks up at me bright eyed and asks loudly, "Mommy, is that my Daddy?"

Needless to say, I then turned a deeper shade of pink instantly and looked at the man; who looked at my two scrappy looking children, my disheveled appearance and then at my ringless finger; and huffed out, "No honey, you know your daddy is at work." Then dropped the magazine I was browsing and hightailed it out of there.

Why would this embarrass me? There is nothing wrong with being a single mom or being one of those mothers on Maury who doesn't know who the father of their baby is. Hey, to each their own, but for me, this seems to be one of the buttons that my son has figured out to push when he really wants to get my goat.

The next time my son really embarrassed me was the night we flew home from our trip to California. Everyone was tired and cranky and the kids and I waited inside at baggage claim while my husband retrieved the car.

My son was not at his best and was starting to enter that crazy period that children enter when they are so sleep deprived that they get all weird and psycho. He was running around in circles and when I finally asked him to stop, he marched right up to me and bit me on my leg.

Of course I was not going to stand for this and proceeded to give him a time-out. I took his sister out of the stroller and strapped him in and turned him around so he wasn't facing us. Well, if you know my son, you know that he was not going to go down without a fight.

All he had to do was sit in his stroller for two minutes and then he could go free, but NOOOOOOO. He chose to kick, shake and scream as if his life depended on it.

The embarrassment came when people would start to walk by and he would lean over as far as he could and scream to them, "HELP ME! LADY! HELP ME!"

Once this began I again turned bright red and just tried to hold my ground. "He is fine, he is just getting a timeout." I would say with a big smile on my face.

"MISTER! MISTER! HELP ME! PLEASE, I NEED HELP!"

OMG!

I couldn't take him outside because I had both kids, one stroller, two car seats and about a million bags. So again, I held my ground all the while dying of humiliation each time he would scream for help from a passerby.

Eventually he calmed down to just a whimper and at the same time my husband was at the curb with the car. I tired my best to talk to him about what had happened, but he was so far gone from being awake for 15+ hours that it wasn't even worth it.

I would like to say that these were the only two times these events have occurred, but alas, that would not be my son if that were the case. This is known to happen time to time we are out and he is at his breaking point. I always try to stay calm, composed and not let him know that he is getting to me, but I am pretty sure he already knows.

The last time he asked me if "that was his daddy", he started laughing hysterically when he looked at my face.

Awesome.